New Hampshire Report

I traveled to New Hampshire the other day with a busload of friends for the sound journalistic reason of investigating whether or not it still exists (yes, it does), is still part of the United States (yes, it is), and contains a decent kosher pizza shop (no, it does not). New Hampshire, as you may know, is the ONLY state that not only lacks a sales tax, but doesn't even have a personal income tax (why people from Boro Park and Williamsburg aren't moving out there in droves is beyond me).

New Hampshire is nicknamed "The Granite State", and for a very good reason: whoever was in charge of making up the Official State Nickname was under the influence of both alcohol AND very powerful narcotics at the time. It also, as I soon discovered, contains a rather large quantity of cold air. Personally, I think that the next time Al Gore or somebody starts whining about global warming, we should make him spend the night in his pajamas atop Mt. Washington, and see how fast he changes his mind. My personal feeling about global warming is that if G-d wanted us to worry so much about it, He would have given us giant air conditioners.

Our stay in NH was rather pleasant despite the weather, though (probably because I didn't have to spend the night atop Mt. Washington in my pajamas). During the day, it wasn't as cold - I only needed a jacket outdoors and not a coat (which was a good thing, since in my infinite wisdom, I forgot to bring one). We went mountain biking and rock climbing, although I personally did not get to climb the wall, since they claimed they didn't have a safety harness my size. Bah - they were probably just worried that I'd break records by racing up the wall faster than they ever did. Or maybe I would just break the whole wall. Whatever.

Before New Hampshire, we also went to Six Flags of New England, where we got to watch David Garrity do a magic show, featuring a pivotal moment where he dropped a white handkerchief into a cage and out popped - you guessed it - Al Gore in his pajamas.

No, seriously, out popped a young lady, who we were supposed to believe was some kind of "spirit". Yeah, right. If she really was a spirit, well, then, they don't make spirits quite like they used to. I don't recall any spirit ever causing so much trouble without saying a single word, but maybe that's just me. At the end of the show she finally disappeared in some kind of spirit-exorcising ceremony involving a cape and (shhh! Don't tell anybody!) a trapdoor in the stage floor. Mysteriously, though, she reappeared on stage moments later to take her final bow (I didn't know spirits bowed to anyone; but then again, I don't know a lot of things).

All in all, it was a fun trip, and a welcome distraction from the anxiety that I've been feeling since I decided to go to Israel. Sometimes it's good to get away from reality for a while (at least until reality whacks you on the back of the head with a resounding blow), and this was definitely one of those times (the getting away part, not the resounding blow part, although that's probably still to come). Now that I'm back, though, it's time to start biting my nails again in earnest...

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